Monday
Feb142011
Are you beautiful?
Monday, February 14, 2011
Do you ever wonder if any women are happy with the way they look? Is it even possible? The cosmetics industry and traditional fashion media would have us think that the answer is no; after all, they make their money playing on our fears about our appearance -- and offering us salvation in the form of eye cream and skinny jeans.
Believe it or not, women who are happy with the way they look exist. I know, because I'm one of those women. There are more of us out there than you'd think, but it's something people don't like to talk about. Why? Because it's socially unnaceptable to admit that you're happy with your looks. Because it opens you up to criticism. (I wonder how many of you are going to Google looking for pictures of what I look like? Don't bother! I never said I was perfect. Just that I'm happy -- which I am.)
Am I alone in this? Please tell me that I'm not.
When I hear women bond over how much they hate their looks I wonder if I'm from another planet. I hate it when I hear a woman complain about her crow's feet or cellulite. Oh, I know what the acceptable response is -- I know that I'm supposed to reply with something that I hate about the way I look -- I guess so that the other woman can both feel better about herself and then come back with another supposedly hideous part of her body, and on it goes until we're both wallowing in pools of self hatred and pity.
Well, I refuse to play this game of negative one-upmanship in the name of female bonding. So if you complain about your looks in front of me, don't expect a pity party. It's not happening.
I was inspired to come out of the contentment closet by Sally from Already Pretty:
I know of at least one famous woman who knows that she is beautiful and who's not afraid to admit it. I love Gabourey Sibide's response when Harper's Bazaar asked her where her confidence came from:
She's right, of course. But tell me, who do you think is more likely to achieve great things beyond looking pretty -- a woman who thinks like Gabby or a woman who criticizes her looks every chance she gets?
I thought so.
I leave you with this thought from Yvonne from Joy Unexpected:
Do me a favor: Tell me something you like about the way you look. Don't be shy! I'll start! I like my hair; it is brown and shiny and I don't have to do anything to make it look the way I like. I love it!
What do you love about you? What makes you beautiful?
Roxanna is a BlogHer Contributing Editor and this post originally appeared on Blogher.
Believe it or not, women who are happy with the way they look exist. I know, because I'm one of those women. There are more of us out there than you'd think, but it's something people don't like to talk about. Why? Because it's socially unnaceptable to admit that you're happy with your looks. Because it opens you up to criticism. (I wonder how many of you are going to Google looking for pictures of what I look like? Don't bother! I never said I was perfect. Just that I'm happy -- which I am.)
Am I alone in this? Please tell me that I'm not.
When I hear women bond over how much they hate their looks I wonder if I'm from another planet. I hate it when I hear a woman complain about her crow's feet or cellulite. Oh, I know what the acceptable response is -- I know that I'm supposed to reply with something that I hate about the way I look -- I guess so that the other woman can both feel better about herself and then come back with another supposedly hideous part of her body, and on it goes until we're both wallowing in pools of self hatred and pity.
Well, I refuse to play this game of negative one-upmanship in the name of female bonding. So if you complain about your looks in front of me, don't expect a pity party. It's not happening.
I was inspired to come out of the contentment closet by Sally from Already Pretty:
A woman who loves and accepts herself should never fear being ostracized for her acceptance. And a woman who struggles to love herself should never see a woman who already loves herself as a threat.
I constantly ask women to cast off their self-focused negativity and accept their own beauty. But it would be equally beneficial to encourage women who have ALREADY accepted themselves as gorgeous beings to say so. Aloud. Declarations of self-admiration and bodily-love are brave and inspirational acts, not indicators of conceit. And we who struggle should acknowledge them as such.
I know of at least one famous woman who knows that she is beautiful and who's not afraid to admit it. I love Gabourey Sibide's response when Harper's Bazaar asked her where her confidence came from:
It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear makeup that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn't have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it's your home, and ... you must decorate it.
She's right, of course. But tell me, who do you think is more likely to achieve great things beyond looking pretty -- a woman who thinks like Gabby or a woman who criticizes her looks every chance she gets?
I thought so.
I leave you with this thought from Yvonne from Joy Unexpected:
Embrace the body you have now, ladies. If you're not happy with the way you look and you want to lose weight, then do it. BUT! DO NOT STOP LIVING in the mean time. You deserve to enjoy your life whether you're 110 pounds or 300 pounds.
Life is good. And life is short. Don't waste a minute of it.
Do me a favor: Tell me something you like about the way you look. Don't be shy! I'll start! I like my hair; it is brown and shiny and I don't have to do anything to make it look the way I like. I love it!
What do you love about you? What makes you beautiful?
Roxanna is a BlogHer Contributing Editor and this post originally appeared on Blogher.
Reader Comments (13)
Hey, I'll play -- I love the message, and while I won't lie, there are things about myself I'm not crazy about, there are things I love. Like my smile. I smile with my whole face, and I think it's pretty and inviting and it makes me feel good, so I hope it makes other people feel good, too. And if smiling with my whole face gives me a few extra crinkles around my eyes, who cares? I'd rather have the big smile than a smooth face.
Nope you are not alone in wondering why women always love to point out what they hate about themselves. It does feel like it's a game of uglyier than thou! I don't get it.
I'll play too: I too love my hair. It's thick and long and a lot of fun to play with. Also, I have lovely breasts. (TMI yes,perhaps) I have it on good authority, I've got a killer rack! LOL!
I really wish girls and women could be bombarded by more messages like these. So much of our power is taken away because air-brushed photos make impossible examples of how we should look and so many girls think they aren't beautiful. We need more women like Kate Winslet who commented about a magazine cover photo of her and the fact that they airbrushed 1/3 of her thigh width out of the picture without her permission! That's crazy!!
I love my waist and hips. I am always curvy no matter what my weight.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Everyday Treats, Lee-Ann Dueck. Lee-Ann Dueck said: So this morning I logged onto Fbook and found inspiration. A fellow photographer, whom I have admired for a long... http://fb.me/QyYOWdna [...]
I love that line from Yvonne. I decided I was too heavy and am working to loose weight in a healthful way.
I really love my face. I think I'm pretty.
(You're right - it feels weird.)
You know what I am in LOVE with? My stretch marks. Yup, the ones I EARNED with every pregnancy. All 5 pregnancies! My first pregnancy that produced my firstborn daughter who died of SIDS 3 1/2 months later. My second pregnancy that ended in the first trimester. My third pregnancy that brought me my handsome and lovable 4 year-old who rocks my world. My fourth pregnancy with my second daughter, who we lost to a chromosomal abnormality 20 weeks into the pregnancy. And my fifth pregnancy which brought me my adorable and life affirming, now almost 14 month old TWINS! When I see a commercial for those lotions and potions that claim to get rid of stretch marks, I flip 'em off, because why would I want to get rid of these?
Colleen! Now you're helping me see mine in a new light. Thank you!
How did I miss this?!? Thanks so much for the shout-out, beautiful!
I love this post. Thanks for being a voice that gives people permission to like themselves. I don't think I am 'beautiful', but I have always been happy looking just the way I am.
Kristen - you are dead-on about the smile. EVERYONE looks great when they smile! I like the 'whole face' idea!
The lines in my face at age 56. I see them as the reward for wisdom received over the years. I think women have a special beauty with age. Especially if they have been women of hope and grace and lived well. When someone hasn't had that sort of life though, it saddens me to see the loss on their faces. I guess I'm sayin that inner beauty shows. As does sadness. Which makes me work on keeping hope and grace alive on the inside. I'm not sure though, that I feel the same about how gravity effects aging yet! I mean, I'm fighting gravity with all that I can knowing full well that in the end - gravity wins. AND THAT SUCKS! Haha.
I SO needed to read this! Thank you!! Yes, it is possible to both work on my level of fitness, fit back into those dang skinny jeans, and love myself now! Thank you!!
I have to say, there are a few of my body parts that I am proud of, but I truly love my breasts - these are not the breasts of a 43 year old mother of two - they are full and fun and ... I just love them! HA ha ha - I've never said that to anyone but my boyfriend!
[...] the conversation got me thinking about the power of female beauty and who owns it. Let’s not kid ourselves: Beauty, especially female beauty, is incredibly [...]
I am 63, a little overweight, a little more wrinkled, so when I look in the mirror it is sometimes a little shock to see the "current me". But the thing I like most about myself is the smile, I do it alot and I do it BIG. I like to think people are looking at the smile on my lips and in my eyes, not the other stuff.